From Uncategorized

From a friend: I never thought I would have any trouble grieving a great loss because as a kid, I often felt betrayed by how readily tears came. Moments of feeling exposed and tender seemed like a major handicap in a world where appearing ‘better than’ was somehow a win. But then, when everything fell apart, I think the ability to live in denial for a time, though costly itself, also saved my life. Even as I became an abyss (relative to the radical contact with life that I I love the most), I also didn’t fall into one. Over the past few years I’ve begun to grieve, and even just the brief spurts I’ve so far accomplished have reconsecrated my heart and my living. While reading this article, floodgates opened again. Here are some of the excerpts (from http://bit.ly/2gPLXyM ) which catalyzed that. May be helpful to you also if any heartbreaks have been so overwhelming to your nervous system that you simply haven’t been willing or able yet to reclaim the heart that still wants: ______ Sometimes … you don’t even recognize that you’ve lost something and that you need to grieve. Grief is a word that is used interchangeably with bereavement, but grief is not exclusively about the physical death of a person. Grief doesn’t fit in a box, either. Some forms of grief take years to work through, other types take a few solid months, some take a single moment of deep acknowledgement. Everyone grieves differently and for different reasons, but one thing remains constant in the process. It’s the one thing no one has ever said about grieving: “I did it right on time.” Grieving is marked by a lag, a delay, a freezing, “Wait. What just happened?” ______ “But grief isn’t some evil force that’s only there to cause pain, grief is escorting up an even deeper feeling, a truth about your life, what you value and what you need. Perhaps how much you wanted something, how deeply you care about someone, how far you’ve come from where you were.” ______ “Some losses are so exquisitely painful, in a way that no one else could ever fully understand…” ______ 3. TOUCH – You have to touch the loss (as well as all the anger, sadness, bitterness, resilience, compassion and any other feelings you encountered during your loss). ______ “You’re in touch with your grief when you make space for the feelings your loss brought into your life. It may feel counter-intuitive to go back to the feelings that you want so desperately to let go of, but there’s simply no way to move through grief without making contact with it, without fully touching it, without fully feeling it.” _____ “You have to pick it up, hold it, feel the weight of it in your hands, on your heart and within your life. You have to feel the whole loss. Grief demands to be felt with an insistence that needs no sleep. You either allow yourself to encounter the feelings or you remain encased in a shell of yourself…” ______ “Still, if you want to genuinely address the grief, you have to continue to move through the peripheral, familiar parts of your grief and go right into the epicenter of your grief. As the classic hero’s journey goes, you have to get inside the belly of the whale. There (and only there) you will find the door to the unpredictable pieces of life that are patiently waiting for you on the other side of your pain.” Corinna Bloom

Advertisements

Opinion Faces, Not Humans

It occurred to me recently that the great desire for more fellowship and humanity in our daily lives is because we have all surrendered our humanness to the idea that we ARE our opinions.  Or rather, YOU are your opinions.  I see you as a Liberal, a Catholic, a gay,  a vegan, a techie, etc, but…

Living In vs Living Out

Years back, a person’s home was just  a utility.  A home was where you prepared dinner, took a bath, did homework, ironed some clothes and watched a little TV.  It didn’t matter if the couch matched the end tables, or the appliances were stainless, white or peach. The plumbing should work and the garage should…

Tarnished Golden Years

Looking ahead to our “golden years” is nobody’s idea of a great conversation starter. If you are under 40 you may be inclined to stop reading here, but DON”T. Likely you have parents, aunts, older cousins and they need your wisdom about thinking ahead, and as surely as the sun rises in the east, you…

The Change of Life

I always thought this was about a woman’s period!  You know, the passage from maidenhood to mavenhood.  The dreaded transition from youth  to a life of a bored and sexless routine.  Gray days of wrinkles and regrets.  Well, guess again!   The real “Change” is happening to couples and singles who realize they are getting…

Warp Speed and New Skills

Chances are,  as we begin another and rather tenuous new year, you may be feeling disoriented. If it is  not  our Commander in Tweet that may have you nervous, or the rise of Lone Wolf terrorists, or even the threat to bananas from Fusamium Wilt, it is the sheer pace of acceleration the world is facing. Consider this, when traders trade at the speed of light, it affects the market negatively so they built in a speed pump of 350 microseconds, to slow things down. * You may not agree, but if 350 microseconds is a speed bump, I need…

Tangled

I have managed my mother’s care for 18 months. I say managed because I no longer give her a shower, or make daily meals.  I am the umbrella under which the caregivers do the daily work. I manage their moods and needs and keep them propped up.  They are present and have feelings and voices.…

Why Is Moving So Damn Hard?

Moving is so bloody hard isn’t it? It is so daunting, such an overwhelming task, that many stay in unhappy conditions rather than move all that stuff.  But here is the secret, the heart of it,  as  ee Cummings would say, ‘here is the deepest secret nobody knows (here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;” Everyone hates moving.  And after 20 years helping people move, I know for certain there are two distinct parts: The Emotional and the Physical. Physical:  stuff is heavy, dusty,…

Another Day, Another Reality

  11,000 people turn 65 a day.   1 in 3 seniors dies with dementia. The duality of emotions dealing with these seniors and the disease that ravages them are heartbreaking. Picture someone you love, and then imagine a time when you wanted to bean them. Right? It appears to me that the very people we…

Where do I fit?

Remember back in junior high when, if you were NOT one of the golden children, the perennially popular, confident, well dressed kids, the whole idea of lunch and who to sit with and where to hang out had all this social import.   The pecking order was there, established by the small tribes who identified their circle by…